He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
