I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Drunk is not a location!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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