every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
