I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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