he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
