I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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