She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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