i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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