My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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