so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
