Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
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