Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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