5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
