I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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