I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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