I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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