Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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