just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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