y did u give ur computer a hand job?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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