this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
