im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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