I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
