I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
