Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
