Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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