Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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