Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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