Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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