I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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