I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
