If i come over, it means nothing
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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