Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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