Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
