you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
