I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
