hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
