note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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