oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
