I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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