The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
