They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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