I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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