So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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