i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
