All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
