So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
