i think i have two assholes
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
