I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I think I just sharted jello shots
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
