My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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