Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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