I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
