he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
