I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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