is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
