i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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