just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
