i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
