if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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