i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
