i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
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