my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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