I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
