Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
