weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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