I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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