You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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