dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Help. Why am I so naked?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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