my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
