So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize