I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think I won the penis lottery.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
