You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
