and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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