yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Is it because I queefed?
birth control should be required to get into college
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
