Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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