I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize