Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
