I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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