I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
