You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
