Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
