and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize