If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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