Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
