first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
