I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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