Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
