What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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