I just pynch a tree in the face
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
