I'm jealous of your bromance
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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