I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize