Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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