I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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