somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
