its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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