he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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