my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
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