i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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