I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
