That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
