I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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