she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
