Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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