I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
