Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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