My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
