she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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