this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize