he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
