I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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