Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
