a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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