Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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