The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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