Where is the hickey?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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