just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
