i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
